The Third Degree

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I had to take my little sister to have an abortion this morning. (Hi, welcome to no-easing-you-in-land.) She opted for RU-486 and took her first pill early this afternoon. She’ll be spending the rest of the week at my parents’ house so that she’s not chemically miscarrying alone. For the first time in almost a decade, I wish I could be the one to take care of my little sister right now and I’m sad that I can’t.

Courtney and I are 4 years apart. She is tall, thin and blonde; I am average, average and brunette. Courtney is dramatic and loves to be the center of attention; I am grounded and have had four birthday parties in my 26 years. I have two college degrees; Courtney just barely has her GED. Courtney has spent multiple weeks in jail and juvenile detention; I have never even visited anyone in jail. To say that my sister and I are different would be an understatement.

Courtney did some awful things to me while she was a teenager – things so awful I won’t get into them here. I didn’t speak to my little sister for almost two years. I didn’t tell my little sister “I love you” for almost four years. I still struggle to hang out with her like she’s a friend, and not just my little sister.

When Courtney called me at 3am last Sunday morning to tell me that she’s pregnant, I experienced a lot of emotions; sadness, anger, resentment, devestation, and confusion. Her first instinct was to abort. Her best friend’s first instinct was to tell Courtney that she’d regret it, so she had second thoughts. After telling Mom (on Sunday afternoon) Courtney decided abortion was the option for her. She made the appointment yesterday and had the procedure today. When she called and asked me if I would go with her, there was no pause before I asked her “where and what time?”

I met her this morning and seeing her as scared as she was broke my heart. She shook as she filled out her forms and when they made her do the ultrasound alone, she cried. A half-hour counseling appointment, a blood draw, and then they sent her out with paperwork and pills, still crying. I couldn’t make her feel better, and I haven’t felt so helpless in a long time.

Life has changed a lot between Courtney and I lately, and I’m actually quite sad that I can’t pull the big sister card and take care of her this week. If you’re the praying kind, Courtney could use your prayers as she goes through this rough time.