The Third Degree

Dear Jillian Michaels,
My arms hate you. So does my ass, in fact. Also, if you put out another DVD, could you pick better music? I hate the stuff you’re using now.
Love to hate you,
Sarah

Dear Bank-I-Work-For,
I’d like a raise. In fact, I’d like another promotion, too. I have very little faith in your HR system and learning today that my ridiculous probation (remember, that, work? The RIDICULOUS probation you put me on the same day you gave me a raise AND a promotion?) doesn’t actually “end” until August 1st. So much for all the hard work I’ve put forth for this campaign. 18+ accounts doesn’t mean a damned thing to you apparently. I am losing my enthusiasm for my job. Something has to change soon. SRSLY.
Cannot wait until vacation,
Sarah

Dear Sweet Boy,
fkl;dsrlvcxm xzc.,dkl;lacx,m a;lkedb alkcm,.xcxz. That is all.
Thank you,
Mush Brain

Dear Mama,
Thank you for your random emails as of late. They are helping me get through my days. I haven’t explained everything to you (or anyone else for that matter) but they have become very important to me.
I love you,
Julie

Dear Wine,
I want you. Among other things, but right now, I’d like you to show up at my house. Maybe a nice Chateau St. Michelle Pinot Gris or a Folie a Deux Cab Sav. You can knock nicely on the door. I’ll spoon with you!
Could relax with you,
Sarah

Shell,
You’re going to be cutting my hair on Saturday. I have two options in my head right now. This one or this one. I love the idea of having the hair up off my neck but also know that it’s taken me a freakin’ long time to get it this long. I’m torn. I hope you are prepared to listen to my insanity surrounding my hair.
Split ended,
Sarah

Dear Life,
Can you slow down for about three days. Maybe until like Sunday afternoon? Please? Also, can you be 80* and breezy on Saturday between 11am and 2pm? I plan on putting on a swimsuit for the first time all season.
Love,
Sarah